Wednesday, May 23, 2007


It took me a while to type this blog out. Death is the one thing that everyone understands. Even the worst of worst bosses understands that one would need (at least) a few moments to themselves when someone close to them dies.

Now Death means different things to different people and Death isn't just a family or friend dying it can be anything. I look at it as a loss. Such as death of a childhood, death of ones happiness, death of a friendship, even death of "things" such as TV, a home, even a car.

Now to me, every one's death is just as important as anyone elses. So I feel for a person who lost someone the same way I feel for myself. Not saying that if "Bob's" mom died I feel the same way I did when my mom died, I'm saying that I feel for Bob the way I felt for myself when it happened. Does that make any sense to you guys?

But this is not about my views on death (or is it seeing as how it's my blog....). It's about a death that just happened (or is going to happen). As I sit here my dog of 15 years is about to be killed. People like to say "put to sleep", but not me. Because that is not what I'm doing. I'm going to kill my dog. Yesterday, he got to a point where he could not stand up on his own. His front leg gave out. Now yes he's old, and he had "problems" but in my mind, as long as he could stand up on his own, he was gonna keep on living....

I spoke to a lot of my friends. And to them (mostly) it's not killing my dog. It was being selfless and putting him out of his misery. He was in pain which is why he couldn't stand up. That doesn't really help me. The fact is that he is gone. Dead. And I will miss him.

My home is a bit quieter now. and a little more empty......

EDIT: here I am 4 months past, and still I have dreams and continue to feel the emptiness. What's interesting is that as I dwell of one loss, the other losses in my life seem to jump up in my mind.

this is incomplete....and with death, the feelings, like this post will remain incomplete for a long time....

10/21/08 update: All this time later and I am still constantly reminded about death and all who I have lost. I read somewhere that the human mind has a failsafe regarding death where they can only take so much before putting it out of thier mind. I guess that's why there is humor at a funeral. People laugh at times where most are crying. I gues that is how people carry on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mark, just wanted to say i'm sorry about your dog. I know he meant a lot to you. (((((hugs))))))